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Real World Prep

I'm guiding my teenage son through a great on-line course this summer. It's called Consumer Jungle and its purpose is to teach kids some of the skills they will need to successfully navigate the real world. So far, we've looked at various housing options (apartment, room in a house, rental house, with roommates and without) on Craig's List and SeattleRental.com and he's listed the advantages and disadvantages of each. He's read a rental lease and deciphered it by recasting in his own language. Yesterday, we viewed a powerpoint on Budgets and then he took an on-line quiz. Next up is a powerpoint on Credit. The website is www.consumerjungle.net. It's perfect for high school (or even college) age kids. I've learned a thing or too myself!

The Story of Stuff

with Annie Leonard

Annie Leonard "spend(s) a lot of time thinking about stuff: where it comes from, where it goes, why it is designed the way it is and stuff like that." She is so fired up about this topic that she made a 20 minute movie The Story of Stuff to share what she's learned with the rest of us.

After I viewed the movie, I sent it to my 13-year old daughter and her friends.

To quote Leonard, "It'll teach you something, it'll make you laugh, and it just may change the way you look at all the stuff in your life forever."

Given that a company called Simply Self Storage is the #1 fastest growing business in America, according to Entreprenuer Magazine, proving that we have WAY TOO MUCH stuff . . . that's a very good thing.

Presentation Zen

There are some really creative people out there! One of them is Garr Reynolds, who is the author of both a book called Presentation Zen (I'm buying it today!) and a blog by the same name. To see his ideas in action, check out Garr's presentation summarizing the six key lessons in Johnny Bunko by clicking on this link: Johnny Bunko Presentation

There is life beyond Powerpoint and it looks like it's a lot more fun!

My Son the Number

by Dulcie Leimbach

From last Sunday's (4/20/08) New York Times' Education Life, a must-read article for all parents of teens - click here:  My Son the Number   Some hard-won wisdom from a mom reflecting back on the college process.

The Adventures of Johnny Bunko - The Last Career Guide You'll Ever Need

By Daniel H. Pink (author of my favorite book of 2007, A Whole New Mind)

Watch the trailer for this book (yes, just like a movie) and then go buy The Adventures of Johnny Bunko for every high schooler, college student, or 20-something you care about - and yourself if you're curious about how to thrive in the new economy (that's the economy and world Dan describes in A Whole New Mind: Why Right Brainers Will Rule the Future. More on that later.)

By the way, this book will take you between 30 minutes and 1 hour to read because it is the first US business book ever to be told in manga - you know, the Japanese comic art form. In other words, it's a comic book, full of not only spot-on wisdom and advice but wonderful characters and illustrations drawn by the talented Rob Ten Pas.

This is the PERFECT high school or college graduation gift. Besides giving your sons, daughters, nieces, nephews, and family friends a great toolkit to use to craft their future, you will be regarded as momentarily cool and with-it, just for knowing about such a hip book.  And those of us who are parenting teens know  - that's priceless!

Marilee Jones, MIT Admissions Director

NOTE to Bookworm by Email subscribers. I reformatted this post so that all of Ms. Jone's notes are available here, without downloading a Word document. Hope that makes reading a bit easier!  If you want to become a Bookworm by Email subscriber, see the box on the upper left. You will get an email every time there is a new Bookworm post. janet

Now to the topic!

Thanks to friend and colleague Judy Chase who went to hear Marilee Jones, MIT Admissions Director, speak at Overlake School on November 14th. Ms. Jones is also the author of Less Stress, More Success: A new approach to guiding your teen through college admissions and beyond.

The following are Judy's personal notes:

"I was a few minutes late, so the notes start from when I arrived. It is amazing to me how many themes she spoke of that echo Alexandra Robbins perspectives.

Generations Defined:

She began talking about characteristics from different generations and what that means in terms of the lens that we look at when considering situations.

Matures: Born prior to 1945. Honor, integrity, hard work ethic, many first generations who made a way for themselves, loyal and patriotic.

Baby Boomers: Born after WWII until 1964. Idealistic and Individualistic. We live vicariously through our children. We want to protect our kids and take care of them. We think our kids think and are like us when they are not. We are self centered and oriented around “us”.

Generation X: This is a very small subset of the population. Born between 1965-1978. They grew up when times were recessionary; AIDs became rampant, high divorce rates and left home alone a lot. They are pragmatic, comfortable on the internet, diversity and entrepreneurial. They don’t like fuss; want to get their work done so they can play. Quality of life is most important. Gen Xer’s are great out of the box thinkers, value diversity and very resilient.

Millennials: Born post 1979. Influenced by Columbine, 9/11, WTC. She describes them as neotraditional, ritual, optimistic, technological, adept, heavy volunteerism, very busy lifestyles, and multicultural, busy 24/7. These kids are group centered (having more likely been in daycare) they lead or follow, highly structured, over scrutinized, can’t breath, very hardworking. They like to make adults (baby boomers) happy and do a lot of their activities to “please” the adults. She says that the group is very anxious, sleep deprived, judged and tested (and tested and tested), poorly nourished (eat on the run). They sustain academic pressure, social pressure, carrying the family honor. She calls them “Human Doings vs. Human Beings”. AOL centered, need to be perfect at everything and huge parental over involvement.

Today’s kids are Millennials.

Here are some of the general characteristics of Millennials. Our kids are social at night, via IM, text messaging. They can’t sleep before 11:30pm and often go to sleep even later. We hold them up to community inspection by “honoring high achievers in the paper, and at school”. Because of high parental involvement, they are over criticized and often feel that their accomplishments are “not good enough”. They are angry at their parents for over pushing towards perfection. There is an epidemic impact on girls’ sense of self esteem and body image.

The kids’ hyper sports involvement has resulted in an increase in asthma and sports injuries. Stomach aches and headaches are more likely as well. These are all stress related illnesses.

Marilee stresses that the kids/parents should focus on THE MATCH with a particular college. This is how well they will fit with the college culture, activities, and academics. The best fit for the student is important. Parents and students should not try to change the student to fit a school but find the school that fits the student. Admissions officers want to know if you know WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU ARE GOOD AT.

Typical Problems Marilee Jones encounters:

Problem #1: We are raising a generation of kids who are trained to please adults, teachers, parents, coaches, admissions officers. These kids look to the outside for affirmation and do not look internally. This should be internal; they should be reading their inner voice. Who am I? What do I think?

Problem #2: Kids are great at working together on projects but don’t seem to be as individually creative. They do not have downtime to get into their imaginations. Where are the Edisons? At MIT they value imagination, this is the paramount characteristic at MIT and unfortunately the characteristic is lost when kids don’t have time to reflect and think creatively/out of the box.

Problem #3: The collective pressure makes kids break."

 

 

Continue reading "Marilee Jones, MIT Admissions Director" »

Alexandra Robbins on The Overachievers: The Secret Lives of Driven Kids

Investigative journalist and best-selling author Alexandra Robbins visited Mercer Island High School on Monday, November 6th. She spoke to over 300 parents, staff and students, who braved the inclement weather and even chose the event over watching the Seahawks on Monday Night Football!!

MIHS Principal John Harrison opened the evening by reminding us that Mercer Island High School students, who take advantage of the myriad opportunities that are offered to them, have increasingly high expectations of themselves and put a lot of pressure on themselves. He acknowledged that "Mercer Island students face an incredible time management challenge as they prepare for life beyond high school. Our students take challenging college preparation course loads that include numerous Advanced Placement, college level, and honors course. Our students are involved in multiple student activities, athletics and performing arts. In the Mercer Island School District, high expectations apply to all areas of school life. When family time, non-school related activities, friends, religions activities, and part-time jobs are factored in, our students are incredibly time-challenged. This time management challenge can result in increased stress levels, sleep deprivation, compromise, and potentially lower levels of performance."

Both Principal Harrison and middle school Principal Sharon Gillaspie believe that, as a community, we can do a better job of managing these "competing interests." In doing so, Mr. Harrison says we can "support our students in continuing to achieve and accomplish in a way that is more conducive to continued success and healthy balance."  Alexandra's visit here was intended to kick-off a community dialogue about this very important topic.

Ms. Robbins, only 12 years out of high school herself, described her return to her alma mater, Walt Whitman High School in Bethesda, Maryland, during the year of her 10th reunion. She was stunned by the change in atmosphere since she attended the school. The stark contrast inspired her to follow nine Whitman students for three semesters and then travel the country, interviewing students, admission directors, high school administrators, etc., to develop a picture of today's high school experience and college preparation process. She shares what she experienced and learned in her latest book The Overachievers: The Secret Lives of Driven Kids, which is essentially an examination of today's culture to succeed and "how it has changed the high school experience so drastically in even ten years that it has startlingly altered what it means to be a student today."

To read the complete summary, Download AlexandraRobbinsMI.doc.rtf.

I also recommend reading the book! It is full of engaging stories and in-depth commentaries, and reads quickly. Not your typical non-fiction book!

Bruce Brown - The Role of Parents in Athletics

I went to hear Bruce Brown speak last night about "The Role of Parents in Athletics." Bruce is the Director of ProActive Coaching and is the NAIA Special Presenter of the the Champions of Character initiative. Bruce has coached athletes in junior high, high school, junior college and college. He's an authentic, engaging and often humorous speaker and the crowd loved him.

He began his talk by letting us know that he was here to represent kids - that he was going to share with us what he's heard from kids over the past 35 years - - the things kids would like to tell us about how to help their performance and create great memories, but probably won't.

According to Bruce, there are three times where we can help our child's performance and create great memories:

  1. Before the game
  2. During the game
  3. After the game

Before the first game

Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Why do I want my child to play this sport?
  • What goals do I have for him/her?
  • If there are roles, what role do I want them to play?
  • How will I decide if it's a successful season?

Then ask your child the same questions.

  • Why are you playing?
  • What goals do you have?
  • What do you think your role will be on the team?
  • What is a successful season?

If your child's answers are the same as yours, then great, support your child. If your child's answers differ from yours, then drop your goals and accept theirs.

The reality is that 75% of kids are out of organized sports by age 13 so it is important that parents, as early as possible, do what they can to facilitate their child's growth through athletics.

Bruce also made the point that it is important that kids have a passion. Sports are just one "flavor" of passion. Others might be dance, theater, chess, band, etc. - -and these same lessons apply in those arenas. While my daughter is an athlete, my son's passion is theater and he has a coach (director), teammates (fellow cast members), spectators (audience) and a  series of games (performances.) The only thing that's missing is a referee or official.

The next step that needs to happen early in the season is for you, the parent, to "release" your son or daughter to the game and to the coach. "This is your activity, not mine." Bruce made the point that sports (and other passions) is one of the only areas where parents today can safely "release" their kids. You can't release them to their friends, to culture (e.g. movies), to academics. Sports, however, is a great venue for risk-taking. You don't want them to take risks with substances, sex, driving - allow them to take risks in sports.

CAVEAT: Bruce also advocated checking out coaches and organizations before you hand over your kids to them. Make sure your kids are safe emotionally and physically.

Here are the red flags that indicate that you haven't "released" your child:

  • You continue to share in the credit when things go well. "We won." No, they won.
  • You find yourself trying to resolve all the problems that will inevitably come up during a season. Most of these problems will be relationship problems.
  • You catch yourself yelling at an official during the game.
  • You try to continue to coach them when they know more about the sport than you do (about 9th grade.)
  • They try to avoid you after the game or they're embarrassed by your involvement.

Still signs but less serious:

  • You are more nervous before the game than they are
  • You're still fretting about the game long after they're over it

During the game

Here are Bruce's recommendations for during the game:

  1. Be there. However, if you've been to every practice and game since they were four, don't go sometime and see what your athlete wants to bring back to you.
  2. Model appropriate behavior. Bruce videotaped himself early in his coaching career and found that what he thought of as intensity came off as scary ugly! He reformed. To develop kids who will be poised and confident under pressure, we must model the same.
  3. One instructional voice. This needs to be the voice of the coach. Kids find it very confusing when they hear multiple people. Encouraging voices are OK.
  4. Focus on the team, not on your little darling.
  5. Choose one role. There are four roles - player, coach, spectator and official. Everyone gets to choose one.

After the game

When kids are asked about bad memories from athletics, the most consistent answer is the car ride home with mom and/or dad after the game.

Here's how to make that car ride home a positive:

  • Save your analysis. Don't analyze their play, the officials, their teammates, the coaching, the conditions, etc.
  • Give your athlete time and space. Kids need time and space to recover. Some need and hour, others a week.
  • Be a confidence builder and not a confidence cutter. What can you say? Things like
    • I love watching you play.
    • I love watching you be part of a team.
    • I love how you're such a great encourager of your teammates.

Bruce told many great stories that are hard to capture. If you want to "hear" him speak, you can order a DVD or audio CD of this presentation on his website. He also has written number of great pamphlets for parents, coaches and athletes. Go to www.proactivecoaching.info and click on the link to the Store.

Ready or Not, Here Life Comes

America’s Top Learning Expert Shows How Today’s Society Makes it Hard for Kids to Grow into Productive Adults - and What We Can Do About It.

The following is a book summary I prepared last year for a Mel Levine Book Cafe. Hope you find it useful!

Author: Mel Levine, M.D.

Background:

Mel Levine is a developmental pediatrician who has accompanied countless kids on journeys through their school years. He has witnessed their varied outcomes and now finds himself preoccupied with how and why different kids turn out so differently. He is especially concerned with kids who don’t turn out so well and wanted to know what we could have done differently for them as children and adolescents.

Issue:

According to Levine, in recent years we have faced an epidemic of career - and life - unreadiness as too many young people begin what he calls the “start-up years” unprepared for the challenge of initiating a productive life. He believes that parents, schools and adolescents themselves can all work together to improve work-life readiness.

Part I: Who is this potentially an issue for?

According to Levine, the young adults he’s known who find themselves gridlocked during the transition from high school or college to adult work have come from various directions. A lot of them, surprisingly, were impressive students - the golden boys and girls - academically successful, athletic, politically astute and attractive. Others suffered from neurodevelopmental breakdowns that made school a perpetual come-from behind battle. Many were the well-behaved and compliant kids who can meet expectations as long as they are explicitly framed.

In particular, Dr. Levine sees four predicaments that often set the stage for work-life unreadiness. The four predicaments are 1) Trapped in their teens, 2) Ones who were once revered, 3) Some who have gone astray and 4) Victims of brain neglect.

To read more:

Download ready_or_not_here_life_comes.doc

30 Days and The Omnivore's Dilemma

I'm excited that so many of you have signed up for Bookworm by Email! Thank you (: While I love to read and discover new things, it's particularly satisfying to read and discover knowing it's for our Bookworm community.

Speaking of discoveries . . . my 15-year old son sat my husband and I down to watch Morgan Spurlock's (of Supersize Me fame) new show called 30 Days. We are now the proud owners of the first season on DVD. The show's premise is that Morgan, or one of his colleagues, lives in someone else's shoes for 30 days and we get to watch. We viewed the segment where Morgan and his lovely vegan-chef fiancee live on minimum wage for 30 days. It's Barbara Eisenreich's Nickel and Dimed brought to life on film (Nickel and Dimed is summarized under the Bookworm category Social Commentary - see left column.) They walk to work, ride the bus, eat rice and beans, end up in the emergency room (twice!), live above a former crack house, work tirelessly, take a second job, and still end up at the end of the month with bills that would take them at least three months to pay - that is, if nothing else goes wrong. And they are young, healthy (at least going into the experience), articulate, well-educated and don't have children. It's an eye-opener. GREAT to watch with teenagers.

I am also reading a  book called The Omnivore's Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals by Michael Pollan. Here's what Dr. Andrew Weil says about the book:

Continue reading "30 Days and The Omnivore's Dilemma" »