Uncommon Wisdom for Parents of Teens and Staying Connected to Your Teenager

by Michael Riera, PhD

These were both recommended in an emergency email – as in go buy this book today –from a friend who has been catapulted into the world of parenting a teenager by her eldest son. I’m paying very close attention since he is only two years older than my oldest child! The wisdom contained in these books is so specific (and the examples so numerous) that I urge you to read them yourselves. If you’re only going to read one, read the second book because it is full of practical ideas that will help you stay connected – and that alone will help you and your teen more significantly than any other single thing you can do.

Riera introduces two big concepts that I’ve actually managed to remember – I hope that’s because they’re the most important ones!

1)            We tend to think of adolescence as a time where teens separate from their families and establish their independence. Riera says to erase that idea. Instead, during adolescence teenagers need to extend away from their parents, all the while staying connected to their parents. Their job is to extend; our job is to connect.

2)            For the first ten to twelve years of children’s lives, their parents are the managers of their lives. However, once children become adolescents, you need to give up the role of manager (don’t worry, he says they usually fire you) and get yourself rehired as the consultant to your teenager’s life. The only two other options are to stop parenting (giving up or abandonment) or refuse to be fired (endless power struggles and grey hairs) – neither of which are successful strategies.

Comments

[Susan Lammers]

"There job is to extend. My job is to connect" Being a mother of a rambunctious 15 -year old I will make this into my mantra morning noon and night!
How come their job seems so much easier than ours? However, if I think back on being a teenager I don't recall it being an "easy time" for me. But that was before I crossed over to the other side!

[dr dre beats headphones]

so good!