Bookworm - Big Ideas for Busy People

Bruce Brown - The Role of Parents in Athletics

I went to hear Bruce Brown speak last night about "The Role of Parents in Athletics." Bruce is the Director of ProActive Coaching and is the NAIA Special Presenter of the the Champions of Character initiative. Bruce has coached athletes in junior high, high school, junior college and college. He's an authentic, engaging and often humorous speaker and the crowd loved him.

He began his talk by letting us know that he was here to represent kids - that he was going to share with us what he's heard from kids over the past 35 years - - the things kids would like to tell us about how to help their performance and create great memories, but probably won't.

According to Bruce, there are three times where we can help our child's performance and create great memories:

1. Before the game
2. During the game
3. After the game

Before the first game

Ask yourself the following questions:

• Why do I want my child to play this sport?
• What goals do I have for him/her?
• If there are roles, what role do I want them to play?
• How will I decide if it's a successful season?

Then ask your child the same questions.

• Why are you playing?
• What goals do you have?
• What do you think your role will be on the team?
• What is a successful season?

If your child's answers are the same as yours, then great, support your child. If your child's answers differ from yours, then drop your goals and accept theirs.

The reality is that 75% of kids are out of organized sports by age 13 so it is important that parents, as early as possible, do what they can to facilitate their child's growth through athletics.

Bruce also made the point that it is important that kids have a passion. Sports are just one "flavor" of passion. Others might be dance, theater, chess, band, etc. - -and these same lessons apply in those arenas. While my daughter is an athlete, my son's passion is theater and he has a coach (director), teammates (fellow cast members), spectators (audience) and a  series of games (performances.) The only thing that's missing is a referee or official.

The next step that needs to happen early in the season is for you, the parent, to "release" your son or daughter to the game and to the coach. "This is your activity, not mine." Bruce made the point that sports (and other passions) is one of the only areas where parents today can safely "release" their kids. You can't release them to their friends, to culture (e.g. movies), to academics. Sports, however, is a great venue for risk-taking. You don't want them to take risks with substances, sex, driving - allow them to take risks in sports.

CAVEAT: Bruce also advocated checking out coaches and organizations before you hand over your kids to them. Make sure your kids are safe emotionally and physically.

Here are the red flags that indicate that you haven't "released" your child:

• You continue to share in the credit when things go well. "We won." No, they won.
• You find yourself trying to resolve all the problems that will inevitably come up during a season. Most of these problems will be relationship problems.
• You catch yourself yelling at an official during the game.
• You try to continue to coach them when they know more about the sport than you do (about 9th grade.)
• They try to avoid you after the game or they're embarrassed by your involvement.

Still signs but less serious:

• You are more nervous before the game than they are
• You're still fretting about the game long after they're over it

During the game

Here are Bruce's recommendations for during the game:

1. Be there. However, if you've been to every practice and game since they were four, don't go sometime and see what your athlete wants to bring back to you.
2. Model appropriate behavior. Bruce videotaped himself early in his coaching career and found that what he thought of as intensity came off as scary ugly! He reformed. To develop kids who will be poised and confident under pressure, we must model the same.
3. One instructional voice. This needs to be the voice of the coach. Kids find it very confusing when they hear multiple people. Encouraging voices are OK.
4. Focus on the team, not on your little darling.
5. Choose one role. There are four roles - player, coach, spectator and official. Everyone gets to choose one.

After the game

When kids are asked about bad memories from athletics, the most consistent answer is the car ride home with mom and/or dad after the game.

Here's how to make that car ride home a positive:

• Save your analysis. Don't analyze their play, the officials, their teammates, the coaching, the conditions, etc.
• Give your athlete time and space. Kids need time and space to recover. Some need and hour, others a week.
• Be a confidence builder and not a confidence cutter. What can you say? Things like
• I love watching you play.
• I love watching you be part of a team.
• I love how you're such a great encourager of your teammates.

Bruce told many great stories that are hard to capture. If you want to "hear" him speak, you can order a DVD or audio CD of this presentation on his website. He also has written number of great pamphlets for parents, coaches and athletes. Go to www.proactivecoaching.info and click on the link to the Store.

Ready or Not, Here Life Comes

America’s Top Learning Expert Shows How Today’s Society Makes it Hard for Kids to Grow into Productive Adults - and What We Can Do About It.

The following is a book summary I prepared last year for a Mel Levine Book Cafe. Hope you find it useful!

Author: Mel Levine, M.D.

Background:

Mel Levine is a developmental pediatrician who has accompanied countless kids on journeys through their school years. He has witnessed their varied outcomes and now finds himself preoccupied with how and why different kids turn out so differently. He is especially concerned with kids who don’t turn out so well and wanted to know what we could have done differently for them as children and adolescents.

Issue:

According to Levine, in recent years we have faced an epidemic of career - and life - unreadiness as too many young people begin what he calls the “start-up years” unprepared for the challenge of initiating a productive life. He believes that parents, schools and adolescents themselves can all work together to improve work-life readiness.

Part I: Who is this potentially an issue for?

According to Levine, the young adults he’s known who find themselves gridlocked during the transition from high school or college to adult work have come from various directions. A lot of them, surprisingly, were impressive students - the golden boys and girls - academically successful, athletic, politically astute and attractive. Others suffered from neurodevelopmental breakdowns that made school a perpetual come-from behind battle. Many were the well-behaved and compliant kids who can meet expectations as long as they are explicitly framed.

In particular, Dr. Levine sees four predicaments that often set the stage for work-life unreadiness. The four predicaments are 1) Trapped in their teens, 2) Ones who were once revered, 3) Some who have gone astray and 4) Victims of brain neglect.

To read more:

Download ready_or_not_here_life_comes.doc

30 Days and The Omnivore's Dilemma

I'm excited that so many of you have signed up for Bookworm by Email! Thank you (: While I love to read and discover new things, it's particularly satisfying to read and discover knowing it's for our Bookworm community.

Speaking of discoveries . . . my 15-year old son sat my husband and I down to watch Morgan Spurlock's (of Supersize Me fame) new show called 30 Days. We are now the proud owners of the first season on DVD. The show's premise is that Morgan, or one of his colleagues, lives in someone else's shoes for 30 days and we get to watch. We viewed the segment where Morgan and his lovely vegan-chef fiancee live on minimum wage for 30 days. It's Barbara Eisenreich's Nickel and Dimed brought to life on film (Nickel and Dimed is summarized under the Bookworm category Social Commentary - see left column.) They walk to work, ride the bus, eat rice and beans, end up in the emergency room (twice!), live above a former crack house, work tirelessly, take a second job, and still end up at the end of the month with bills that would take them at least three months to pay - that is, if nothing else goes wrong. And they are young, healthy (at least going into the experience), articulate, well-educated and don't have children. It's an eye-opener. GREAT to watch with teenagers.

I am also reading a  book called The Omnivore's Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals by Michael Pollan. Here's what Dr. Andrew Weil says about the book: