NOTE to Bookworm by Email subscribers. I reformatted this post so that all of Ms. Jone's notes are available here, without downloading a Word document. Hope that makes reading a bit easier! If you want to become a Bookworm by Email subscriber, see the box on the upper left. You will get an email every time there is a new Bookworm post. janet
Now to the topic!
Thanks to friend and colleague Judy Chase who went to hear Marilee Jones, MIT Admissions Director, speak at Overlake School on November 14th. Ms. Jones is also the author of Less Stress, More Success: A new approach to guiding your teen through college admissions and beyond.
The following are Judy's personal notes:
"I was a few minutes late,
so the notes start from when I arrived. It
is amazing to me how many themes she spoke of that echo Alexandra Robbins perspectives.
Generations Defined:
She began talking about characteristics from different
generations and what that means in terms of the lens that we look at when
considering situations.
Matures: Born
prior to 1945. Honor, integrity, hard
work ethic, many first generations who made a way for themselves, loyal and
patriotic.
Baby Boomers: Born
after WWII until 1964. Idealistic and Individualistic. We live vicariously
through our children. We want to protect our kids and take care of them. We
think our kids think and are like us when they are not. We are self centered
and oriented around “us”.
Generation X: This
is a very small subset of the population. Born between 1965-1978. They grew up when times were recessionary;
AIDs became rampant, high divorce rates and left home alone a lot. They are pragmatic, comfortable on the
internet, diversity and entrepreneurial. They don’t like fuss; want to get their work done so they can play. Quality of life is most important. Gen Xer’s are great out of the box thinkers,
value diversity and very resilient.
Millennials: Born
post 1979. Influenced by Columbine,
9/11, WTC. She describes them as neotraditional, ritual, optimistic,
technological, adept, heavy volunteerism, very busy lifestyles, and
multicultural, busy 24/7. These kids are
group centered (having more likely been in daycare) they lead or follow, highly
structured, over scrutinized, can’t breath, very hardworking. They like to make adults (baby boomers) happy
and do a lot of their activities to “please” the adults. She says that the group is very anxious,
sleep deprived, judged and tested (and tested and tested), poorly nourished
(eat on the run). They sustain academic pressure, social pressure, carrying the
family honor. She calls them “Human
Doings vs. Human Beings”. AOL centered, need to be perfect at everything and
huge parental over involvement.
Today’s kids are Millennials.
Here are some of the general characteristics of Millennials. Our kids are social at night, via IM, text
messaging. They can’t sleep before 11:30pm and often go to sleep even later. We hold them up to community inspection by
“honoring high achievers in the paper, and at school”. Because of high parental involvement, they
are over criticized and often feel that their accomplishments are “not good
enough”. They are angry at their parents
for over pushing towards perfection. There is an epidemic impact on girls’ sense of self esteem and body
image.
The kids’ hyper sports involvement has resulted in an
increase in asthma and sports injuries. Stomach aches and headaches are more likely as well. These are all stress related illnesses.
Marilee stresses that the kids/parents should focus on THE
MATCH with a particular college. This is how well they will fit with the
college culture, activities, and academics. The best fit for the student is important. Parents and students should
not try to change the student to fit a school but find the school that fits the
student. Admissions officers want to
know if you know WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU ARE GOOD AT.
Typical Problems Marilee Jones encounters:
Problem #1: We are raising a generation of kids who are
trained to please adults, teachers, parents, coaches, admissions officers. These kids look to the outside for
affirmation and do not look internally. This should be internal; they should be reading their inner voice. Who
am I? What do I think?
Problem #2: Kids are great at working together on
projects but don’t seem to be as individually creative. They do not have downtime to get into their
imaginations. Where are the Edisons? At MIT they value imagination, this is the
paramount characteristic at MIT and unfortunately the characteristic is lost
when kids don’t have time to reflect and think creatively/out of the box.
Problem #3: The collective
pressure makes kids break."
"Boomers are hypersensitive to issues of competition. Boomers don’t trust authority but trust
experts (as defined by who we pay), boomers live vicariously through their kids.
Parents are managers, often self made, have high levels of initiative, live by
our own rules and are very busy. College
admission is a rite of passage and a sacred experience that kids need to
experience in order to grow up. Initiation is a hard road and a process that takes time,
self-examination and has an element of fear/anxiety to it.
OUR JOB is to
SUPPORT THEIR BACK, not solve their problem. It is their initiation. We
need to calm the kids down, not add to the anxiety.
Parent’s Guiding Principles for the college application process:
1. Manage your
anxiety/grief. Become the shoreline! Kids
are the boats and they will come back to shore to get re-centered and navigate
against the shore which holds steady and never changes.
2. Behave as if you are going to your child’s game
performance. Stay behind the white line. (Support, support, support, do not
instruct/criticize).
3. Don’t make it
about you by saying “WE”
a. Don’t be the one to ask the
questions on campus (let your child speak on the tours—you keep quiet.)
b. don’t
read your kid’s mail
c. don’t
choose for them
d. don’t
write/edit their applications
4. Set some ground rules in advance
5. Excellence, not perfection, is the goal (encourage their
internal guidance system)
6. Encourage 45 minutes a day of free time (when they can do
anything they love)
7. Teach Street smarts, how to rebound, how to fail well and how/when to quit
8. Help manage timelines and deadlines
9. Stop talking and watch your child’s face—it’s about
listening
10. Insist on integrity
11. Encourage your kids to get 8+ hours of sleep a night and
3 solid meals a day.
12. No technology in the bedroom
a. Kids use cell phones to text
message late into the night
b. Kids get on IM late into the
night (they don’t want to miss out on anything)
c. If homework is done in bed where
do they go to relax, sleep or clear their minds.
d. When kids have trouble sleeping
they use the technology in their room to keep in touch vs. finding a way to let
go and relax.
13. Don’t do the kid’s work (or applications!)
14.. No admissions advice from friends
15. Don’t disrespect young admissions officers (by ignoring
them, or condescending to them because they look so “young”).
16. Model for your child good behavior and standards.
Student’s Guiding Principles
1. Drop extra activities. It is not about quantity but
passion and doing a few things well.
2. Foster your imagination and intuition.
3. Have an open mind about the future (don’t set hopes on
the one perfect school).
4. Look for the best match to your interests not the
“reputation” of the school as offered by magazine rankings. (Ms Jones mirrored
Alexandra Robbins comments on this entirely).
5. Hold on to your privacy. Do not share scores, grades etc.
6. Honor yourself and your needs.
7. Don’t compare yourself to others—everyone has entirely
unique DNA
8. Self advocate and don’t self criticize, when discussing
mistakes or poor grades, discuss how you learned from them.
9. Don’t take college admissions advice from your friends.
WORD OF WARNING
RELATING TO ALL OF THIS ADVICE:
One footnote to add to the discussion is about My Space or
Facebook. Admissions offices are now
looking up and reading what students talk about. They use this as part of the
application process by checking out individual applicant websites. Even if you think your account is private it
probably is not private. Students should
be very careful with information that is posted. This holds for job seekers as
well!"
To print or save a Word document of these notes Download notes_from_marilee_jones.doc
so good!
Posted by: dr dre beats headphones | September 23, 2011 at 01:34 AM